“Inside Story”

I heard today, there was a scandal.
One of the baseball players is sleepin' with Marilyn Monroe?

… is it the, Fire Chief? (joltin' joe, sparky)
… or the, Georgia Peach? (smoltzie, nucksie)
… could it be, The Bull? (nails, dude, nat, bake)
… or Boo, Sweet Lou? (skip, ducky, schu, ace)

… maybe, Bye Bye Bones? (whoa nelly, paw paw)
… or old, Rhino? (sammy, ham, eggs, bones)
… could it be, Honey Boy? (the mayor, q, maz)
… or Cy, Cyclone? (pee wee, honest jones)

… could it be, Big Bird? (big daddy vladdy, doc)
… or Mr. Freeze? (little willie, kitty)
… could it be, Mini-Hawk? (moochie, spanky)
… Little O, T-Rex? (big e, the hawk)

… Little Professor? (diamond jim, rabbit)
… Little Big-Gio Man? (johnny cash, bulldog)
… The Say Hey Kid? (zamboni, dimples)
… Iron Mike, Duke, Splitt? (sugar bear, uncle phil)

I've Got an Inside Story, It's to Print In the Morning,
and It's Gonna Go Out Today. Oh Darn. Shoot, I am Runnin' Late.
I Don't Have Time to Sit Here, I've Got to Get My Bills Paid.
There's an Inside Story, and It's Out Today.

Solo:

Now wait a minute young one.
You know you didn't really answer my question?
Who is in charge here today?

… it could be, The Wild Horse? (little pony, big d)
… or Wally World? (hollywood, opie)
… maybe El Toro? (ape, mullet, campy)
… or Double Barrell Darrell? (stash, red, percy)

… the Chili Bowl? (mickey mouth, mad dog)
… or Bender, Bluto? (skeeter, skip, hud, hawk)
… the Cabbage Patch? (iggy, boogie, the cat)
… The Ryan Express? (tugboat, the chemist)

… The Captain, Puff? (godzilla, paulie)
… Marmaduke, The Judge? (skeeter, grover, rube)
… The Silent One? (roadrunner, howdy)
… The Curacao Kid (howdy doody, uke)

… Three Finger, Gracie? (cappuccino, brauny)
… Supernatural, Easy Ed? (thor, joe d)
… Man of Steal, Cobra (the bus, richie)
… Death of Flying Things (whiz kids, frankie)

I've Got an Inside Story, It's to Print In the Morning,
and It's Gonna Go Out Today. Oh Darn. Shoot, I am Runnin' Late.
I Don't Have Time to Sit Here, I've Got to Get My Bills Paid.
There's an Inside Story, and It's Out Today.

Music and Lyrics, 2017: Peter J. Beauchemin