“My Internet Honey”

I surfed a girl her name was JoAnne!
I emailed, “Let’s do lunch, I’m a singer in a Rock and Roll Band?”
She answered frankly, with precisely written words.
“You better be romantic, or you’re kicked to the curb!”

I saddled-up and brought my very best game.
Pitched high and low, but all I got was her first (1st) name.
The real McCoy a true diamond in the rough.
Call of the wild she is sent from up-above.

(‘cuz I’m his Internet Honey) Well Maybe?
(I never want his money) Whole Savings.
(I’m lookin’ for adventure) Escapade.
(a mighty fine inventor) Home-Made.
(I never need attention) Quite a Lot.
(but I forgot to mention) She’s a Fox.
(my wit and charm is cunnin’) Really Fast.
(‘cuz I’m his Internet Honey) What a Blast.

She wrote and said, “You’re refreshing like a beer, hick-up!”
I thought, “Yeah I taste great, but less fillings not in here!”
She smirked a grin and threw quick one-liner.
“Is monogamy your plan, ‘cuz I don’t sleep with two-timers!”

“Holy Moly”, she teaches strict lessons.
Not counter-fit her path is destined.
Her heart and soul, blend together like they’re one.
Her “Full Monty” is hotter than the sun.

(‘cuz I’m His Internet Honey) Today.
(never am the dummy) No Way.
(my love is like a carousel) Bright Lights.
(combined with a parasail) Great Heights.
(a tip of my soft hand) Her Highness.
(hysteria’s my screaming fans) World’s Finest.
(rainy days are always sunny) Sunny and Bright.
(‘cuz I’m his Internet Honey) Yeah Right?

I started out on Yahoo, then I tried Match,
and too far for me was Lovers2, ‘cuz that’s in the UK and I’m never attached.
So I swam with Plenty of Fish, and then added some Chemistry,
the Cougar Women was a perfect fit, but it made me feel like, someone was gonna eat me.

So I thought,
Adult Friend Finder would be okay, but it converted to the Christian Mingles,
then I tried the Millionaire Mate, but they said my pockets, didn’t have enough jingle.
So that led me to Cupid’s Lair, but that was just creepy,
then the Dirty Encounters, raised my mom’s hair, so I promised her I’ld take it easy.

Then,
Great Expectations really wasn’t great, and implanted was Natural Friends,
and I bet Green Singles and Veggie Date,
will have problems with their users, being hooked on “Depends”.
And I know you know, ‘cuz everyone knows, internet dating is the wave of the land,
and I believe that just goes to show, that “My Internet Honey” is in total command.

(‘cuz I’m his Internet Honey) Yeah She’ll Go All Night.
(delicious like a Sunday) Hey Just One Bite.
(ridin’ up my broadway) Well There’s No Chance.
(servin’ up a heart ache) Last Dance.
(I know about my callin’) Uses Morse Code.
(don’t ever think I’m fallin’) Yea Love Knows.
(I’m really quite funny) But Then Again.
(‘cuz I’m his Internet Honey) Amen!

Music and Lyrics, 2004: Peter J. Beauchemin